The hardest thing !

Being a mum is the hardest thing but harder much harder still is being a mum to someone on the Autism spectrum,I don't say a lot on my blog about it even though its the hugest most complicated part of my life. I don't say much because i am always aware of the feelings of my son Alex who has Aspergers and anxiety issues

He is 18 now and as in a lot of cases where there is a child with a problem i am a single mum.
Sometimes i would like to walk away but I am his mum and i Love him.
 He thinks (like a lot of teenagers and i should know i had 3 other sons before Alex) that i am the enemy and doesn't realize how easy it would be for me to let him roll himself into a cocoon and never come out.

We lead a complicated life that to others looks simple.We balance on a fine thread between my life in the real world and his life with its many many rules It is hard to explain to people who do not have a child on the Autism Spectrum.
Your  life is so totally taken up with it,
yes its been a roller coaster of epic proportions.It has contained sweetness and so many times laughter at unexpected things but it has contained pain and grief and an overwhelming sense of being on a runaway train.
To make sense of their world often people with Autism will make up rules to govern their lives.As in Alex's case this means if he went out yesterday nothing barring a national disaster will make him go out today.
His tastes in food are very bland but then he may take a shine to chilli chicken or something spicy. Don't ask him to eat potato- mashed baked boiled he cannot stand it, (or most fruits and vegetables) Don't put sauce on his food .Don't cook your food near his food.Don't use the vacumn cleaner too long the noise is too loud, Don't sing in the car ! Don't spring anything impromptu on him. Don't stop at the petrol station if it wasn't on the list when you left home. Don't tell him you want to leave at 12 and then try to go out at 11.45. Don't ,don't don't. Don't buy him new clothes and expect that he will try them on today  (or tomorrow or the next day). Don't promise something then get sick (getting sick is not an excuse to break any promise).And for goodness sake don't expect that he will respect your rules just because you follow his. There are many many rules .His rules may also change at anytime without warning yours may not.

Here is my rule Don't judge a parent who has a child on the spectrum. Don't think because you know a child on the spectrum that you know every child they are all different. Yes some will become Nasa scientists and some will never leave their room. Alex falls somewhere in between. And PLEASE , please don't tell me that god sends children like Alex to mothers like me cause we can take it because we are strong ( Or i just may have an Aspergers meltdown myself !)
We have been waiting for funding for him (6 months so far) to begin a transition to work program,3 days a week-it will be good for him and for me. It's been almost 2 years since he left school and my marriage broke up. In that two years i have been alone at home approximately 8 hours,I am really tired and i haven't had a holiday in long long time maybe 20 years,

Its a fine line we walk he and i and increasingly we are falling off the line and life is full of his anger and sadness.Look well to the future Alex you are more than the sum of your rules ,you are intelligent and funny and you just need to let people in to know you !  The hardest hardest thing is i cannot Hug my son on the spectrum ,He doesn't even like me to reach out and stroke his arm.The hardest thing is loving my son Alex but i do it every minute of every day and one day i hope he will know it in his heart and see that it is true !

Psst God are you listening !!

I  had a conversation (argument) with my three year old god daughter Maddie today over where her grandfather lived,She wanted she said to make him an Easter card  and she was most insistent that he lived in heaven,Oh you mean Daddy's father no she said he is Mummy's father.I said well Mummy's father lives in Queensland, Ugh yes she said silly Auntie Jullie Queensland is in heaven, Hmm i replied some people may think it is but its not in heaven,Lengthy discussion ensued as to the difference between living in Queensland (IE It means you can come visit at Xmas ) and living in heaven (Sorry No visits at Xmas but such a lovely place )
Also at almost four she wanted to know where this heaven actually is (very very far away past the moon near the stars)
This whole conversation reminded me of my boys and their own funny episodes of the Heavenly type.'

Matthew my eldest at almost four was very knowledgeable about babies since i had just given birth to his brother almost a year since,He wanted to know how it happened and so i perfected the many times after used " God helps the Mummy and the Daddy to love each other in a special way and then a baby grows inside the Mummy's tummy"  one day he says to me with the big serious eyes "Mum i understand how god helps the mummy's and the daddy's but there's one thing i don't know " I'm waiting for it "How does he put the toes on ??) hehe i wasn't waiting for that one,My reply " he is just good at that sort of thing "

Timothy aged about four ( that seems to be THE AGE)
we were in a Church awaiting the bride .Outside the Church i had of course threatened my then three sons
telling them they must be good and quiet as this was Gods house,All was quite in the large catholic Cathedral when Timothy whispers loudly "When is God coming" (snigger's from around us)
"He is already here "I whisper back
Huge eyed he looks around the church his eyes coming to rest on an alcove containing a statue of Mary in it,
" I bet he is on her shoulders he exclaims excitedly whereupon two rows of  Guests are in stitches,
I guess he thought of God being the size of a fairy !

Joel aged 5 (and perhaps the most uncmfortable thought of all)
"Mum what does god look like ?".
"well you don't actually see him but he is everywhere in everything"
"But when you saw him what did he look like "
"I never actually saw him but i know he is there"
Here he rolls his eyes and says " But when god helped you and dad to make the babies
well what did he look like then when he was there ?" (am picturing God standing next to the bed see squirm worthy isn't it hehe)
See i knew the making baby story would come back to bite me !

And finally Alexander you guessed it 4 or 5 years old
Matthew and i hear Alex on the front veranda talking to someone then we realize he is talking to God
aww  we think how sweet. Then we realize that talking may not be the right word and that what he is doing is actually demanding something and then threatening god about what will happen if he doesn't pay up.
I quietly go out and Say Threatening God never a good  idea !!
"Why" he says
Um I don't know but isn't he is in charge of thunder and lightning and stuff like that,"
An apology to God ensued assuring him he wasn't being bossy just asking that's all,"

 Also at the same age Alex is in the car seat as im driving he says suddenly "Its happening"
"Whats happening" i ask knowing with Alex almost anything can happen !
"Well he says Durani my friend is a friend of Gods "Oh i say that's nice as i am wondering where this is leading
"Well Durani  asked God to make me the same color as him " (Durani is the sweetest darkest skinned boy you ever met,Alex is the sweetest palest skinned blonde haired boy you ever met)
Anyway smiles Alex as he surveys his pale pale arm "I think its happening"
I think as they say God always answers prayers but sometimes in his infinite wisdom the answer is NO ( and as in this case thank goodness hehe)

We were not a church going family save at Christmas and not always then but in their own way my children all  found a way to talk to and about God.

Newest ATC and tussie pics

Have been on a roll lately with ATC cards
having a 3d bump out spasm.Loving my fake green flower soft too its actually the stuff you use for scenery grass on train set layouts etc Got a bag at the local goodwill for $1 As always i love using dried moss on nature cards
also did a new take on a digital collage i did once that took ages, Captured Fairies

No wonder i love boxes at xmas better than the presents even !

Gotta love packaging- I do !

Tried an altered bottle this is tiny one next i will try a normal size.

This is dried moss and the scenery grass.

Love my latest corset ATC and i know i know the butterfly was rough have fixed it !''
I inked the lace edge to the corset and the card edges using fluid chalks.

Cute isnt it i have another one with the fairy catcher
this is the scenery green,

This cutie is wearing glossy glaze shoes and a twinklets glitter dress.
Still think she is lacking something.

Rainy days are Craft Days

Been busy at my craft desk such a small happy space.I love to sit at my antique oak secretaire which butts up against my bed on one side and my sliding balcony doors on the other.I love my secretaire come computer desk.trouble is since its right against my bed half of what I'm doing ends up on my bed hehe,Anyway i did 10 ATC cards with vintage pansy seed packets on them and used various techniques,Flower soft 3d effect glossy glaze and glitter,gloss pen for the words,I am happy with them.I love pansies.

 I also have had Tussles to make one for my friend  in Queensland (Cheryl ) And also for her daughter little Emily Rose who talks to me to on skype when Cheryl and i are talking .Cheryl's is a vintage Easter tussle and Emily Rose is a princess one.Tonight i will fill them with goodies and treats before posting them  Tomorrow.I also made one for a swap with my friend Jennie who lives up the mountains that i miss so much (also a vintage Easter tussle i used old lace that was saved from a ruined pillow sham.) Thought id take photos this time as i made them its all in the finishing.I don't use a pattern i usually start with an 8x8 or 6x6 piece of scrapping paper backing it before i roll it into a cones shape.If you want a plain flat ice cream cone shape then you start with a 3/4 semi circle.I use a bread and butter plate for that one.

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The terrible tale of a shattered dream.( or lousy lounges )

When i was little crimson was my favourite colour.
Now Raspberry has invaded my White apartment ( and i think i like it ! ) Raspberry is the new colour sweeping the world of decor.(  Is it just me or does Raspberry look a lot like Crimson) Anyway you know how it is- i had been looking on eBay for two new armchairs,Of course  I really would have liked 2 wing back chairs in a delicate shade of blush or a barely there duck egg blue,Alas my budget and the need for them to be close by for delivery meant settling for less than the dream.
I thought i got two nice creamy kind of armchairs UNTIL they were delivered and as the man brought the chair cushions up i screamed inside my head NOOO you see  the colour wasn't cream ,What it was was a mustardy icky baby poo greeny gold colour.You with me ( is the horror hitting you, cause It hit me real fast.I couldn't live with them i just couldn't.,

So off i go sweeping the web for armchair covers and hoping i don't make another mistake..Who knew they were so expensive and yes ugly, No way I want the ones that look like you flung a sheet over them,Then i found some that looked passable the colour choice wasn't great but in the end i chose Raspberry and i love it.What do you think,I bought a new vase and flowers to pick up the colour,Now i just have to redo my cane two seater and add some raspberry cushions, Ahh a woman's decorating is never done.

Has she noticed I'm up here yet ?? wait is that a birdy !

The larger flowers didn't show up too well but they are definitely

a Raspberry Burgandy crimsony colour.

My little PRINCESS

Sophia Rose (the barefoot Princess)

Here she is just two months old my first grandbaby and a PRINCESS to boot,