Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Radiotherapy and shakespeare

That's my mum, (the poppet on the left looking at the world through fierce sad eyes ,her childhood was harsh and left her with a determination to survive)This week she starts her radiotherapy, and i am glad she has that determination.she has had to endure a lot in her life and this is merely the latest challenge.She is like a little fighting hen
(my brother calls her chooky).Cancer for anyone i think is a lonesome road to travel but now that my Dad is gone its even lonelier for her.I feel for her but all i can do is what i have always done and that's be her daughter.She used to make us laugh as kids we would come home and call out her name and she was nowhere.We knew of course she was somewhere and so the hide and seek would begin until i would open my wardrobe and there was my mother waiting for the door to open so she could start quoting Shakespeare.She dusted the house to the sounds of Strauss.She did and does have long long dark hair that reached her bottom.Hence the reason when i had my sons she became their nanny longhair.Still a nut she would attend their birthday parties dressed as a giant Bee or some other wacky character.

Sometimes as kids we would be annoyed and say "Why cant we have a normal mother !" Years later i would hear my sons say the same about me as i did something goofy.The other week waiting to see a Dr regarding his aspergers and anxiety Alex was worried and grumpy so in the waiting room i tried to cheer him up.I said Alex i think its happening ,i think i can teleport like the guy in heros and i started to look weird.Now the waiting room was empty but alex was hissing at me stop being stupid mum.When we were in the Dr's he said to him what i had done and he said and i am the one seeing the psychiatrist .The Dr looked at me and i said yep i did do that i was trying to Cheer him up.The Dr said if you didn't like it Alex perhaps you should just ask politely for her to stop.I did says Alex she wouldn't.The Dr turned to me,ummm yes he did and no i wouldn't stop,I answer.The Dr made a hmmm noise and changed the subject.
Guess i am more like my mother than i realised.And no my children never had a normal mother just as i myself did not and of that i am most grateful/I myself feel Normal
is highly over rated and very boring.Something my mother NEVER was and still isn't.
Happy mothers day Mum and i know there are many many more abnormal ones to come !

Monday, May 11, 2009

Motherhood is fraught

Yes it is ! its fraught,
With what i hear you say and i would have to reply with everything.
Its fraught with guilt, Is the baby warm enough is he getting enough milk,should i let him cross the road , is 16 too young to go to the party.Did i do enough trying to stop him smoking.See guilt and then before you have finished with them they are off and out in the real world and they think they don't need you cause they are all grown up.They will never know that in your heart they are still that two year old who loved you to the moon and back...
Its fraught with laughter
when you want so much to be angry but you are looking
at that two year old who unravelled all that toilet paper and is wearing your lipstick all over his face.
When your four year old is outside talking to god and you think oh how sweet till you hear him threatening him (i remember saying hmmm not a good idea threatening god you know thunder ,lightning)
When the boys laugh at your attempt at bread making and you are so peeved until you see them hitting it with a hammer and saying proudly mum the military could use this.
Is fraught with magic
when you see the faces of your sons when Santa's beard has been caught in the firescreen and some is left behind.
when the tiniest fairy letter arrives in the post or a Santa letter appears to float down the chimney.
When the fairies leave presents in the fairy teapot in the kitchen.
Yes oh i miss the magic although my god daughter and her brother are on the receiving end now lol
Is fraught with Amazement
That two little boys can dig a 4 feet deep trench in land that is 99 percent mountain rock
That a child can survive being catapulted over a fence and having an epileptic seizure and laugh about it one day.
That the same child can be squashed beneath a full trailer loaded with wood and that his mother can pull it off him and find him bruised but unharmed.
That a four year olds leg can be twisted and squashed beneath a bike wheel and its fork and the bike must be dismantled and he is bruised but unharmed.(same boy)
That a car can run over a 5 year olds leg wreck his school shoe make the driver throw up all day and you guessed it come out bruised but otherwise unharmed.(yes the same child)
That you can be given four sons all ADD one ADHD (yes that's the boy) who also happened to
be epileptic as a small child always having seizures sometimes requiring mouth to mouth to get him breathing again ,And the last one Aspergers.AND the amazing thing is you ALL survived.
That you can take boys to the doctor to be xrayed,patched,stitched etc so often they offer to keep you a seat.
and mostly Amazed at your own capacity to do all this and yet love those boys soo much that it hurt and that you would most definitely kill or die for them cause after all you love them to the moon and back.
Fraught with sadness
That their childhoods may have run you ragged
driven you crazy
made you feel inept cause the house was never perfect and they didnt always brush their teeth
but proud that in all this you never ever missed a birthday or a chance to create some magic
no matter how dark a time it may have been.That you read story after story till you knew the words and they had their favourites.That in the darkest time when you got divorced and ended up alone and renting with a cat a dog a budgie and four sons you bought them all a season ticket to wonderland so that something good would come out of the bad times.
So motherhood is really fraught,
i have said before and i will say it again its the hardest,happiest ,saddest thing i have ever ever done.It has dragged me up and dumped me down its been the most awful and most glorious of rides and although nothing turned out how i planned i am still awfully glad that i went for the ride.
(Just remind me that when they forget to ring wont you !)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Fairy Shoes for Juniper

Well they may not be perfect (in fact they are not even close) but i made them myself
and im so proud of them.Yes i sewed then with my own pin pricked hands and it took me
two nights one night per teeny tiny shoe.My sister and I have a standing joke about Juniper berry red.So i made these for the Juniper fairy.They had to have tiny bells on the ends and they had to have tiny fairy sized keys for any fairy doors that may need opening.
I first saw some of these on a blog then i went to other blogs and the name Annette Emms kept coming up. The pattern for these was my very first etsy purchase .Annette is amazing you will find her blog here
I am sure these are the first of many fairy shoes.Thankyou Annette.