Monday, May 11, 2009

Motherhood is fraught

Yes it is ! its fraught,
With what i hear you say and i would have to reply with everything.
Its fraught with guilt, Is the baby warm enough is he getting enough milk,should i let him cross the road , is 16 too young to go to the party.Did i do enough trying to stop him smoking.See guilt and then before you have finished with them they are off and out in the real world and they think they don't need you cause they are all grown up.They will never know that in your heart they are still that two year old who loved you to the moon and back...
Its fraught with laughter
when you want so much to be angry but you are looking
at that two year old who unravelled all that toilet paper and is wearing your lipstick all over his face.
When your four year old is outside talking to god and you think oh how sweet till you hear him threatening him (i remember saying hmmm not a good idea threatening god you know thunder ,lightning)
When the boys laugh at your attempt at bread making and you are so peeved until you see them hitting it with a hammer and saying proudly mum the military could use this.
Is fraught with magic
when you see the faces of your sons when Santa's beard has been caught in the firescreen and some is left behind.
when the tiniest fairy letter arrives in the post or a Santa letter appears to float down the chimney.
When the fairies leave presents in the fairy teapot in the kitchen.
Yes oh i miss the magic although my god daughter and her brother are on the receiving end now lol
Is fraught with Amazement
That two little boys can dig a 4 feet deep trench in land that is 99 percent mountain rock
That a child can survive being catapulted over a fence and having an epileptic seizure and laugh about it one day.
That the same child can be squashed beneath a full trailer loaded with wood and that his mother can pull it off him and find him bruised but unharmed.
That a four year olds leg can be twisted and squashed beneath a bike wheel and its fork and the bike must be dismantled and he is bruised but unharmed.(same boy)
That a car can run over a 5 year olds leg wreck his school shoe make the driver throw up all day and you guessed it come out bruised but otherwise unharmed.(yes the same child)
That you can be given four sons all ADD one ADHD (yes that's the boy) who also happened to
be epileptic as a small child always having seizures sometimes requiring mouth to mouth to get him breathing again ,And the last one Aspergers.AND the amazing thing is you ALL survived.
That you can take boys to the doctor to be xrayed,patched,stitched etc so often they offer to keep you a seat.
and mostly Amazed at your own capacity to do all this and yet love those boys soo much that it hurt and that you would most definitely kill or die for them cause after all you love them to the moon and back.
Fraught with sadness
That their childhoods may have run you ragged
driven you crazy
made you feel inept cause the house was never perfect and they didnt always brush their teeth
but proud that in all this you never ever missed a birthday or a chance to create some magic
no matter how dark a time it may have been.That you read story after story till you knew the words and they had their favourites.That in the darkest time when you got divorced and ended up alone and renting with a cat a dog a budgie and four sons you bought them all a season ticket to wonderland so that something good would come out of the bad times.
So motherhood is really fraught,
i have said before and i will say it again its the hardest,happiest ,saddest thing i have ever ever done.It has dragged me up and dumped me down its been the most awful and most glorious of rides and although nothing turned out how i planned i am still awfully glad that i went for the ride.
(Just remind me that when they forget to ring wont you !)


nbeltane said...

Hugs Jules..

great post,


Anonymous said...

One of the Best Posts I have read in a long time!
Tears.... for time gone. :(

Laurie said...

This made me cry Jullie. It was beautiful and truthful. Your boys were very lucky to have such a wonderful and creative mom as you.
Very lucky!

A Bite of Country Cupcakes said...

Yes Fraught!
I just said yesterday as I rushed three kids from one thing to the next and then Missed being at one very important thing,
How Mothering is all about associated guilt!

I still love my kids to the moon and back and probley am all too consumed by them...
But love them and hope I am doing all I can to raise happy healthy individuals is all I can do.

Beautiful post Jules...
the tears are a dripping!

Cheryl said...

Oh you've got me crying, Julie. Precious. I just love your frankness and REALNESS. Love you. What a wonderful mother you, cheryl

Marilyn said...

I am always amazed by the strength and resilience of women! We can do anything! Plus, we always end up with a smile on our faces. Wtg... another unsung hero! Marilyn xoxo

JillzWhimzy said...

hugs to my Jules you are so right! You have to be a wonderful Mother because you are a wonderful friend!

Sue said...

What a wonderful post Jules,our stories may not be as interesting, but we relate to you completely!

neca84 said...

What a beautiful post, I so wish I had a "way" with words, Everything you wrote I "felt" , a lovely read and a lovely cry, thank you. Carol x

Amy said...

Lovely post, Jules. Made me choke up!! My baby turns one on Monday. The time seems to be slipping away!

(Crafting by Candlelight)

Cherub Kisses Boutique said...

smiles, tears, laughter, but most of all hugs!!
love u jules!!

Southern Lady's Vintage said...

Oh my...tears streaming here. Sweetie you are really something special as those precious boys of yours. Love ya, Barbara